The Beginning

This is my first entry in my new space. I’ve had other blogs before, but never one like this. At this point in time, I want to remain anonymous so that I feel free to be vulnerable and open. As soon as I know that people I know may be reading this blog, I’m sure a filter would inevitably and unconsciously go up. I don’t want that.

So here I am, 40 pounds overweight, having had two miscarriages, and desperately hoping to get pregnant again and have another healthy baby. My daughter will be 4 in August–I never wanted there to be this much of an age gap between my children. And I am 36, so my time is running out as well.

It’s a constant struggle for me to resist the trap of spiraling into negativity. I’m attempting to repeat mantras to myself, especially when I sense the self-loathing and self-hatred towards my body start to rear its head: “I love myself. I am worth it. I deserve to be happy.”

I want this to be a journey in which I love myself, and good health is the outcome. So many times when I give into unhealthy junk food cravings, it comes from a place of hatred and disgust with myself. I want to start treating my body and mind with respect–feeding it nourishing food that I know will benefit my body, not harm it.

Since I’m currently in a pretty bad place with cravings, I’m going to kick off this new attempt with a two-day juice fast, starting tomorrow. After that, I will hit the potatoes and veggies. I’ll talk more about my diet in coming posts.

This is serious. This is for my health. This is for my (hopeful) baby.

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