Limbo

That’s right, I’m in limbo right now. I have no idea what’s going on with my body now–it’s giving me a lot of mixed signals. It’s possible that I ovulated earlier this week. The signs that would confirm that are that my temperature has been higher the last two out of three days. In addition, my cervical fluid is completely dried up. However, I never got a peak with my cervical fluid. Once I got sick, it seemed to just stop. Having said that, I took a sleeping pill on Tuesday night because I was so sick on Tuesday, and I wanted desperately to sleep, because I thought that would help me get healthy again more than anything. Unfortunately, those sleeping pills also act as decongestants, which means it would have dried up my cervical fluid. That’s not only bad for trying to get pregnant, but it also mixes up fertility signals. Perhaps my cervical fluid would have been a lot more profuse on Wednesday, had I not taken the sleeping pill?

I’m completely frustrated about this. Every time another month slips past, I feel increasingly desperate about getting pregnant soon. It’s almost suffocating, like I get so anxious about it that I want to crawl out of my skin.

Perhaps I didn’t ovulate at all this month. Which doesn’t actually matter, because our timing was wrong and I have very little hope that I’ll end up pregnant this month. If I did, it would be a miracle. I just hope that my period will come sooner rather than later, so that I can get started with the next month. I’m not sure if I should bother to take my progesterone for the next two months now either. If I don’t, then maybe it will make my period come sooner.

Regardless, I’d like to orient things in a more positive direction now. I’m thinking of writing up a vision and then reading it every day. I believe that I’m capable of doing great things in my life–I just need to get out of my own way and let things unfold in a positive, forward direction.

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