Better

I am feeling more positive today. The weekend went much better than it usually does—I managed not to binge on anything, and I stayed almost completely plant-based (some cream in coffee and some chocolate when we were at M & D’s house were my only offenses). Now, the SOS-free part wasn’t exemplary, especially the oil. But I felt good ending the weekend feeling like I hadn’t gone off the rails regarding nutrition.

Now my goal this week is to actually stay oil-free. I made a humungous pot of vegetable soup yesterday, which I had for lunch. I also made a big batch of pico de gallo, but I put too much onion in it—I don’t know why I do that since I know that I don’t like the over-powering taste of raw onion. I had the pico de gallo on a green salad and a big bowl of the soup for lunch. And now almost two hours later, I’m still somewhat uncomfortably full. I’m not sure if it’s the onion disagreeing with me, or if I really did eat too much soup. I filled up on the salad beforehand, so perhaps I shouldn’t have eaten all of the soup. Anyway, these are issues to work out this week as I attempt to eat more intuitively.

The weather was absolutely gorgeous this weekend, so that always lifts the spirits too. I’m on CD 21 and 6 DPO. I ovulated on CD 15 this cycle, which is actually really good. It seems like my cycles are gradually getting shorter so that they’re more in the optimal range now. Before, they were often 5 weeks long, which is okay if you’re not trying to get pregnant. But having to wait for a longer cycle while trying to get pregnant just makes you feel like you’re wasting time.

I’m trying to stay positive about getting pregnant this time around. It’s hard though, partly because there are reminders all over the place about babies, pregnancy, siblings, etc. It’s really hard. And I keep reading about how important it is to lower stress levels in order to conceive, and how important it is to have a supportive group. So naturally, I started getting stressed out that my stress is too high.

I watched a webinar about optimizing one’s chances to get pregnant last night. I’m not sure if I should keep doing this where I’m constantly on the hunt for fertility information. But the takeaway I got from it is that there are some important things I should be doing right now: ensuring I get more sleep, having more frequent sex, and getting my weight down. Those seem like doable things. What bothers me a little bit is that conceiving was never a problem that Josh and I had. All four of my pregnancies have happened within one to two months of starting to try. It’s not like we’ve been trying forever, and no month so far has been ideal in terms of timing and good health, but it’s still hard for me not to get impatient. I guess that’s where I need to be actively working on my stress levels and just trying to remain calm and patient.

Anyway, I’m starting to just ramble now. My heart goes out so much to those who suffer from fertility problems. It’s such an anxious, lonely, emotional roller coaster.

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