Waiting

Today is 12 DPO. I contemplated taking a pregnancy test this morning, but then I decided not to. I think it’s because I don’t want the disappointing news of a negative test coming sooner than it has to. If I tested today and I were pregnant, the test would likely show a faint line. I think part of the reason I’m waiting is because I don’t want to make this any more emotionally tumultuous than it has to be.

I honestly don’t know what to think. My breasts do feel different–heavier, a little tender, but not incredibly sore. Yesterday I was having cramps that felt very menstrual, but today I don’t feel any. All of this could easily be PMS, as I’ve mentioned. I never used to have much PMS symptoms, but I think being on progesterone has changed that.

Anyway, I might just wait another two days before testing. If my period is coming, then it will likely be here by then.

I’m trying to stay positive–even if it turns out that I’m not pregnant. I feel more optimistic about getting my health and weight to a better spot, and I truly feel that I will get pregnant again.

In other areas of our life… I wish we could find a way that J and I could have more fulfilling jobs. It’s so hard to see him unhappy in his job. For me, I don’t mind my job for the most part, but it’s hard not to constantly think that I could be doing something else that I enjoy more and that I’m actually passionate about. I wish we could figure out a way to start a small business together and actually make enough to live on it. Something that would ignite our passions and give us meaning, while also being enjoyable.

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